Tuesday, June 30, 2020
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My Mothers' Hands- I remember a time about a decade ago when our family was out to eat, someone said "Lets compare hands". I was sitting next to my Mom(Angela), and we all held out our hands, and I could see I had inherited not only her hair & eye color, and her shorter height too, but her hands as well. Her hand held right next to mine looked older, but otherwise the same. Hers looked better than mine in my eyes, my Mother always looked beautiful and graceful to me( As she was). On me I never liked my hands, they were ordinary looking, a little short with wide palms, not the kind of" hands that jewelry looks good on. But I had never thought that of her hands. A very early memory I have is walking down a street near where we lived holding onto her purse strap, so I could keep up with her, she was a fast walker! I wanted to hold her hand, but they were probably busy holding things, pushing a stroller,and managing my 2 younger sisters, I was the oldest. My mother had 3 girls, all born within 4 years, she sure had her hands full with us, but in those days she had a lot of energy. My Mom gave me my 1rst cup of tea, with sugar and milk, I remember having it in the Livingroom sitting at the coffeetable watching TV. When I was old enough to reach the stovetop, she taught me to reciprocate, and make her tea, I still remember how she took it back then: 2 teaspoons of sugar with just a little milk. I remember my Mom talking on the phone, sometimes drinking a cup of tea, and usually with a cigarette, and doodling on a pad, I remember trying to imitate her doodles.My Mom had beautiful handwriting, when she signed my name (like on cards and gift tags) it looked better than when I did it. And all the meals she made, I remember hot breakfasts of eggs and toast, pancakes and sausage or bacon, and the school lunch tunafish sandwiches on toast she made for me with my special request of "not too much mayo". Sometimes we had tuna for dinner too as tuna with noodles,I remember turkey soup after Thanksgiving. I remember her going out to the subshop on the corner and bringing us a submarine sandwich which was a treat, or making us french fries as a snack. It would take too much space to list all the types of meals she made, trust me it was a lot. She got up early when we were young to feed us, make lunches, get us all dressed and our hair done for school, sometimes she played a game of picking us up off the floor by the waistband of our pants when she was putting them on us, we'd say "Do it again" and she would. I remember her hugging me so tight at times until it hurt, I'd say "Mommy, your hurting me", but it was just in fun. When I was preschool I remember she got a sewing machine, and made us little light green flowered sundresses, she sewed pillow for our sofa, I remember all the hemming of our clothes she did, and usually by hand, because "petite" wasn't around back then and I was short. Later on she taught me to do the "invisible" stitch to hem my own pants. She crocheted blankets for us in our favorite colors, she even had to do mine twice because the first one I didn't like the colors, so she redid one for me in light blue & white (I still have it). She taught me to crochet, and I worked on a blanket with her. My Mom walked or took the bus everywhere because at that time she didn't drive, and we only had one car anyway which my Dad took to work. But we did fun things with her, she took us shopping downtown, later on longer bus commutes to Menlo Park Mall, took us to ceramics class, my Mom took me to the Library my 1rst time. For family vacations I'm sure she did most if not all of the packing(and unpacking).Christmas she did the decorating, wrapping, shopping, and cooking for the extended family. When we were kids watching TV and commercials came on for toys I remember us getting excited and we'd bug her "Mommy, can I get that !?" over and over, she'd be quiet mostly, then take us Christmas Shopping give us money to buy some small gifts for others, like grandparents, Aunts, Dad and her, and each other, teaching us to be generous and enjoy gift GIVING. I have a brief memory of being with her in Stirling where she grew up, and we went leaf collecting in the fall. She planted dark purple tulips in our back yard, and sunflowers(which unfortunately were taken away by a flood). When we were a little older she went out to work, she had a few jobs at that time, the longest being Fabricland, but the job she had that I liked the most(I don't know if she liked it) was when she worked at our grammar school as assistant secretary, and also a lunchaide, I liked to see her at my school, hearing kids call her "Mrs, McDonald", I liked being near my Mother. I enjoyed going with her to yard/garage sales, years later she became an antiques dealer. When she and Dad divorced, she became the Head of Household, and though money was tight, she bought Cable TV for us, maybe to ease the stress. I helped her by going grocery shopping for her, she gave me the coupons, and a very detailed list in her beautiful handwriting, and the money. At that time in the 1980s there was a way to save money called rebating, so I saved labels and boxes, which Mom at 1rst thought was crazy, and threw them all out, years later she got into rebating also, and made money at it. And I then asked her "Aren't you sorry now you threw out all those rebatables now?" She said "Yes". There weren't too many times in my life, that my Mom agreed that I was right. When I took night school classes for calligraphy Mom bought me supplies. When I briefly got interested in oil painting she bought me supplies again. I was very happy for Mom when she met and married Tom, he was good to her, she told me "He makes me very happy", I know she became close with his family as well. When I had to get home from work at night before I had a car, and there were no buses running, Mom & Tom would pick me up so I wouldn't have to walk in the dark. Then I finally got a car, and of course my Mom wanted to have me take her on errands, what a side seat driver she was! Me and my sister decided to encourage her to get her license, which she surprised us and did get! Now she was mobile too! And I was happy for her again. When I went back to school for nursing I lived with them a few years. Then later as I was preparing to move out, they helped me set up in my 1rst Apt, bought me an antique bedroom set that Tom refinished, and Mom picked out dishes for me, they helped me move twice, just many other things through the years, like after I bought my 1rst house they helped me move again, and my sister Donna too. When I went shopping for shades for my house my Mom was with me, and when the clerk went to cut them, Mom said "Let me show you a better way to do that", And she did, all those years working at Fabricland paid off, and I was proud of her. Actually, Mom surprised me another time, the day I moved out of her house for good, as I was leaving, I turned to give her a kiss and say goodbye, and she was crying and visibly emotional. This surprised me, it was unusual for her, I wasn't going far, living in the same county actually, and planned on coming back frequently. But to her it was a milestone. My Mom saw me again, she'd have a family dinner every Sunday that I came to often, and Holidays, pitching in when she"d let me, and helping with the dishes, and then I'd bring a plate of food to my Aunt Camille/ her sister, or Aunt Dot/Dads' Aunt, or my grandmother/Dads' Mom, even though they were her Ex's she didn't mind. She also was caregiver to a lot of people, her sister in law Mary-who lived with them until she passed, her own sister/my Aunt Camille , and even me when I was recuperating from surgery moved back with them for a few weeks. And finally for Tom, when he passed at home.A lot of joy left her life when he was gone, you could see it in her face. Donna had moved back in with Mom, which was a relief since she was diabetic. About 2 years later, I brought my fiance Lou to meet Mom, she was always gracious to him. My Mom was sacrificial too:Because my Mom had always wanted to go to Hawaii, she would say "Throw my ashes into the ocean, maybe they'll float there", but when my Mom had a chance to go to a special family event there, she didn't go. She said it was to stay home with Queenie their dog,,. but through unusual circumstances I found out about the event after,and I asked her about it, and because my husband and I hadn't been invited, and she didn't think it right, she stayed home. My Mother was opiniated, and liked to be as independent as she could. Years later when she needed help to get to Dr appointments, and out patient treatments, I helped out, for almost 3 yrs, I didn't live close so it was a lot of traveling. The Majority of Moms' care had been on Donna who lived with her, and knew her better. So I had difficulty with her, because I wanted to help her, like with getting out of the car and walking into the treatment Ctr, but no, she wanted to do it herself, even after having a few slips and mishaps, but I learned to stay close anyway. Towards the end it was hard because when she was hospitalized, we couldn't visit because of the lockdown, and she didn't always answer her phone. When she was in the Rehab Ctr, they allowed visits in good weather outside through a fence. So the first good day we went, Donna and me. We finally saw her, We wore gloves and masks of course, and we each put a hand through the fence, to touch her, each taking one of her hands. Then, my Mother took my hand, and my sisters hand, and leaned forward, and put our hands to her cheeks, and held them. It was all she could do. It was the last thing she did do for me. I didn"t know it was the last time I would see her, I thought there would be more time, and we would bring her home, like she wanted. I miss her very much, Pictures and videos are nice, but when I want to remember my Mother, the quickest way is to look down at my hands, because I have- my Mothers hands. Laurie Cartabona
