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Thursday, June 29, 2017
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Kyle posted a condolence
Friday, November 25, 2016
There’s a quote that is most famously linked to Maya Angelou:
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Well I will always remember that my grandmother made me feel very loved, and never judged. As I’m sure you can all equally claim.
My actual first thought when I heard the news was of my sister. Marj, you were her favorite. She never said that to me. Actually, she made me feel like her favorite too. But she was great like that. She didn’t play favorites, even though she surely had some. She was warm and kind to all.
We gathered here six years ago to mourn the passing of Doris’s husband, Cosmo Vitale, my grandfather. It’s been a challenge these several years thinking of Grandma, and not thinking of him with her. Cosmo and Doris. Cos and Dar. To everyone in this room, that was the only reality we ever experienced. And as love can do, I know it very much became their reality also. Two become one.
Their personalities were so unique, yet so intertwined as to make it hard to picture one without the other.
If Grandpa was seen as “go, go, go,” Grandma was “stay, stay, stay.” And “go” they would, but always at each others' sides. And true to the very end, did they “stay.”
You know, attempting to think of someone’s life in its totality is a strange thing. One would be forgiven for pondering the life of Doris and thinking it lacked grandeur or accomplishment. It’d be easy for someone to think that on the surface, but that’d be a mistake.
You want proof? Ok, here’s an example: did she die with anyone in this room having a problem with her? Hurt feelings? Any sense of bitterness towards her at all? I didn’t think so. That is a rare and highly commendable accomplishment.
She had a true gift for understanding, and forgiveness. f your mother was killed by an underage driver when you were 18, would you plead to the court to show him mercy? Or would you be bitter? Could you really let go? Could you truly forgive?
Well this humble mother and grandmother not only did so but did it with the strength, and perhaps not coincidentally, the representative grace of her mother’s name. Sure beats the classic example of someone being remembered for hitting a baseball well, or attaining great wealth.
Coincidentally, I recently read an interview with the Dalai Lama and he was asked about happiness and wealth and the like. And his responses fit so well with me when contemplating grandma’s life. He talked about how material wealth is a kind of an illusion. Because beyond the ability to say “I am really rich,” it doesn’t change much. You can only be in one room of a mansion at a time. And when you’re hungry, you can only eat so much before you’re full. When life is viewed through that perspective, the pretension of feeling like one must have “seen it all” to have lived a full life is humbled. It’s all just one big room.
The question is, are you at peace in it? Gunner’s position in the South Pacific, or arm rest position on the couch in Martinsville, NJ, our worlds are internal. A blind woman is no less alive. Grandma didn’t need to see something to make her feel better about herself. She needed not attain an object of great wealth to validate herself. She was at peace with herself. And in that sense, she achieved more than most.
My memories of her will remain vivid. It would probably come as a surprise to those that didn’t know her well that she had a wonderful dry sense of humor. And of course perhaps the largest sweet tooth to ever walk the Earth. It reminds me of one night as an adult that I spent sleeping over their house. I awoke on the floor next to her couch at 3:00AM to the sound of rustling. It took my eyes a second to focus on the sight of her rolling the wrapper down a large chocolate bar. I didn’t lecture her, but instead dryly quipped, “A little late night snack, eh?” And she responded with a big smile and that infectious giggle of hers. It was the sweetest of laughs, like that of a child. Which brings me back to the beginning, back to the innocent moments from a generation of our family now part of earthly history. To memories of a young girl squeezing into her ballerina dress per her father’s request. And of a young man’s sparking blue eyes upon her as she tip-toed her way into his heart.
Spin away Grandma. Dance your sailors dance Grandpa. Together again, as it will always be.
S
Stephe posted a condolence
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Bruce, Brian and family,
I always thought of her as Aunt Doris. And I was always welcome in her home. My heartfelt sympathies to you, I will miss her.
Stephen
D
Doug Vitale posted a condolence
Sunday, February 10, 2013
My dear Grandma,
For thirty-five years of my life you were the bedrock of our family, and from what I hear, you played this role for several decades before as well. On birthdays, Christmases, and all special events you were always there, always with cards and presents for your family. And nobody will ever forget YOUR cards with the hundreds of X's and O's and the sweet messages you wrote in them. You were also always there when your grandchildren needed a babysitter. You must have spent years of your life in total watching over your sons' children. Grandma, I clearly remember you watching over me when I was two and a half as my parents were in the hospital for the birth of my brother. I also remember being at your house when I was about four and you made me some farina that was more sugar than farina. Of course I loved it, and back home I couldn't get my mother to make it the way Grandma did!
In your childhood, you overcame a challenging parental situation to become an upstanding mother yourself. As a girl you didn't have an ideal living situation, and you endured the sudden loss of your mother at age 18. However, you did a fine job raising Bruce and Brian in Newark. I am so thankful to you for bringing up our fathers and instilling good values in them.
I also want to thank you for being there for your husband, Cosmo, when he came home from the war in 1945. He really needed you then, and you filled a huge void for him by joining your life with his. I remember the day when I told you that Grandpa, your husband of sixty-one years, had passed on. I put my arm around you and you cried for all of one minute befure you stopped, and then began smiling and playing with your four-month old great-granddaughter, Caitlyn. What strength and resilience. You were also so brave and strong at Grandpa's wake and funeral.
It will be strange to no longer see you at family gatherings, to no longer make visits to your little house, and to no longer receive birthday cards from you in the mail. But you will live on in our hearts and fondest memories. You and Grandpa taught me important lessons for when I become a grandfather some day. I am so happy that you had my two children in your life for the past few years, and that you were able to attend my wedding with Grandpa. I will miss how you always called me "Douglas", the soft sound of your voice, and that sweet little chuckle. You left a lasting impression on us all, Grandma, and I will always conjure up the memories of you and Grandpa when I need a little extra boost to continue leading my life and taking care of my family. You will always have my love and admiration.
T
Terry & Bill Malthaner posted a condolence
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Within our hearts,
the ones we love
are never really gone-
In spirit and in memory,
their legacy lives on.
With deepest sympathy on the loss of your loved one.
Sincerely-
Terry & Bill
A
Anne posted a condolence
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Dear Mom: your light and spirit will stay with me forever. Thanks for the memories. Til we meet again. Love, Anne
B
Bruce - Son #1 posted a condolence
Sunday, February 10, 2013
I remember how you use to send my brother, Brian, and I to school with the cleanest, pressed clothes one could wear. The work and time being a den mother for our cub scout troop. How you always loved your husband, Cosmo, even through difficult times in your marriage. Your quick sense of humor that just came out of nowhere. Your love for your family. Husband, sons, daughter-in-laws, grandchildren, great grandchildren. You had a soft spot for stray animals that usually ended up living the good life in your home. Much to every ones complaining. I'm going to miss catching those fish that were meant for mom to enjoy. I'm happy that you left us in your sleep without suffering any long term pain. I pray every person could have a mother just like you. Love, Bruce
M
Mike Higgins posted a condolence
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Marji and family,
We were so sorry to hear the news of your loss. Please accept our heartfelt condolences during this difficult time.
A
Amanda Haeni posted a condolence
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Doris/Grandma, you will be so dearly missed by many. You were a sweet, kind, and loving woman/grandma. Thank you for being such an incredible force in my best friend's life. May you rest in peace; your spirit will live forever and ever in our hearts. Love and hugs to the whole Vitale clan,
Mandy
J
Jen posted a condolence
Saturday, February 9, 2013
So sorry for your loss. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers
C
Caitlyn Vitale posted a condolence
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Dear Great-Grandma,
I love you. I miss you very much. I wish you a good life in Heaven. I remember going to your old house. I remember I liked rocking on your rocking chair. I always liked seeing you and Rosa. I remember when you first came to live in the nursing home. You were a wonderful great-grandmother since I was born. I promise I will always remember you.
R
Rosa Salazar posted a condolence
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Dear Doris,
You are the sweetest person I ever met, all these years taking care of you were the nicest experiences of my life... You were always so patient and quiet, never complained about anything and so attached and full of life. Always full of Love for your family and friends. I am going to keep you very deep in my mind and heart, I will never forget you my dear friend. I will always love you and miss you dearly.
P
Philip Vitale posted a condolence
Friday, February 8, 2013
As of 2/7/13 and around 5AM of that morning my grandmother Doris Vitale has passed away. She passed away peacefully in her sleep and hopefully by now she's made into heaven. Rest in peace Grandma, I love you.
M
MARIE CHIOCCHI posted a condolence
Thursday, February 7, 2013
MY DEAR SWEET SISTER,MY FONDEST MEMORY OF US IS WHEN YOU WOULD TAKE ME DOWNTOWN WHEN I WAS REAL YOUNG. YOU ALWAYS BOUGHT ME BARRETTS OR BOWS FOR MY HAIR.I WAS SO HAPPY AND LOVED BEING WITH YOU.I ALSO LOVED GOING TO LUNCH WITH YOU THIS PAST YEAR.YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART AND MY LOVE GOES WITH YOU.I WILL MISS YOU BUT I KNOW YOU ARE WITH GOD AND WITH ALL THE FAMILY THAT IS ALREADY THERE.MAY THE ANGELS GUIDE YOU TO YOUR HEAVENLY REST MY BELOVED SISTER.
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