To my wife,
I still remember it like it was yesterday. The first time I saw you 32 years ago. You were sitting on the railing outside of the ticket box office. You were so beautiful that I thought you were an angel. It’s a miracle that I met you. You have given me my purpose in life, my hope, my joy, and our beautiful daughter. You’re more than my other half, you are my everything. Without you, nothing else seems to matter anymore now.
I find it so hard to write this because the raw emotion never makes any sense. I don’t know how words can describe the longing that I have for you now. I would trade everything I have to just have you smile at me one more time. To have one more minutes of conversation with you. To have one more kiss from you. To feel our eyes meet once again.
We knew each other for six years before we got married, but we actually spent less than two weeks together during those six years. When I asked you years later how did you know I was the one, and you said you knew because I love you the most.
For the 26 years of our marriage, you have given me so much more in return.
Everywhere I look, everything I hear, every word I say and every breath I take now reminds me of you. The biggest joy I discovered since you passed was the idea of a couple-urn so we can be together again.
My love, please don’t be scared, you know that my heart is with you because I can’t feel it anymore. You know I think about you every single moment because I can’t focus on anything else. I’m not even sure if I exist anymore because I feel so numb without you.
It hurts so much to think about you, but the idea that frightens me even more is that I might forget any piece of you if I stop thinking of you. If we can’t have any more new memories, I don’t want to lose any old ones.
I was going through our photo album and I couldn’t finish the whole album. We used to pick faults with our pictures. We didn’t like the sun making us squint, we didn’t like the shadow covering our face, and we didn’t like the camera angle making us look fat. But I only saw how tight you held onto me, how your cheek was pressed next to me, how content you looked leaning against me, and how you smiled when you were in my arms. Why did it take me so long to notice these things? I am so stupid.
I read Michelle’s story of you and it made me realize she loves you as much as you love her. I can see you reading it with tears running down your face while smiling. Thank you for spending every waking moment of your life loving her. You have turned our daughter into an amazing young lady and you have given me the best 26 years of my life. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I want to be with you in the next life and the ones after.
To my radiant mom,
As a little girl, I never knew what summer camp was or what a babysitter was. You took me everywhere you went and we spent every waking moment together. From long trips to Taiwan to just watching TV together. I thought every little girl was as lucky as I was to be with their mom 24/7. As I grew older every time I was scared or nervous, you were the first person I called and you knew exactly what to say to me to make me feel courageous. You were always proud of me even for the smallest victories. As you went through treatment after treatment, I saw how tired you were getting, but more importantly how strong you were to choose to keep fighting. You are always going to be the strongest person I have ever known. You’ve raised me to be kind to everyone, and strong when I need to be. You’re beautifully one of a kind and an extraordinary mother. No one will ever love me to the amount that you do. I hope to become half the woman you are. I’m not sure how life will go on without you, but one thing I know for sure is that I love you with all my heart forever and always.